“When the trials of life unravel
the fabric of our plans.
When we face the deep confusion
of painful circumstance.
When our feeble strength is broken,
and we stand with empty hands.
That’s when the Father whispers
‘Trust the pattern I have planned.’ ”
Lyrics from song, The Weaver
think I could write a book on this quote – but don’t let me scare you away! I will try not to be too long here, because it’s In Other Words Tuesday, and you will want to visit the others who have written on the above quote. I chose this quote for today because it’s between two very significant dates for this month. If you’ve read my previous posts, you will know we just went through the 5th anniversary of the death of our 16 year old son, Matthew, which was December 11, 2004. His funeral flowers were all reds and greenery. Our church, where the memorial service was held was decorated for Christmas, with a big Christmas tree up. I know . . . it’s Jesus birthday, and that is the most significant part of it. We have celebrated Jesus birthday these past 5 years – but it was zapped. We’ve have struggled for years anyway with the “meaning” of the Christmas tree, and had not put one up for many years, but just days before Matthew died, we decided to put up this country looking one – even considered keeping it up year ’round to decorate according to seasons. Matthew bought it from the store he worked at, and put it up for me. We had it behind behind our piano which was on an angle in the corner. He got milk crates to put the tree on top of it, making it appear taller. We had fun doing it together . . . and then days later, he was gone. We left it up for almost two years – not changing it. But then we painted our living room and decided it was time to take down. We kinda dumped it in the garage attic, and then did not put one up for the years following. The kids asked . . . but we just did not want to face it.
I mentioned we are in between two significant dates. The other date is December 19, 2008. Our daughter, Jessica Joy, had emergency open heart surgery last December. This alone is so detailed with God’s pattern which, honestly, I did not trust from the beginning. She had two open heart surgeries as a baby and we knew she’d need more. During the summer of 2008 we found out she has serious spinal problems as well, where she will need surgery on her neck. Why? Why would God allow her to have more problems? Why would God allow her to suffer with headaches all the time, limiting mobility and limiting what she can do? We wanted to get a second opinion, so on December 18th we went to the University of Michigan, where she had her previous heart surgeries. Since she had an early morning appointment, we went the night before, staying in a hotel that is within the hospital. We took her up to the PICU to show her where she spent 10 weeks as a baby, taking a picture of her. We went to our hotel room, within a short time she was having a hard time breathing, her heart pounding hard that we could she her chest moving through her pj’s. I thought she was just having a panic attack over her appointment. I took her for a walk, pushing her in a wheelchair. We stopped at a large window and looked out to the lovely, peaceful scene – snow falling on many trees that were lit up with lights. Jessica said to me, “Mama, I keep thinking of that song – ‘no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears’. Mama, something is wrong with my heart.” We rushed her down to the peds ER, and hours later she was having open heart surgery to save her life. Her mitral valve stopped working. The peds cardiologist on call just happened to remember her as a baby. Her surgeon just happened to also be there, minutes from starting another surgery that was not emergent and was able to take our daughter. A week previously a secretary “laughed” at me when I pushed to get Jessica in to see the orthopedic surgeon sooner than months down the road. “There’s no way” she told me – and then looked at her computer and there just happened to be a cancellation, and we could get her in days later – the date of her heart failure. There’s many more details to Jessica’s miracle surgery story, which can be read here.
So, why don’t I trust? I am learning, but it’s been baby steps! I’ve been amazed when I struggle or doubt, how the right Scripture verse comes along, I am sent just the right book to review, or someone calls or says something just at the right time, not even knowing the circumstance. These past six months I’ve really begun to believe – I mean deep down believe – with awe – God’s love for me and that yes, He does have all the pieces of my life put together. He is using the good, the pain, the struggles, the questions and the brokenness – for His good that He can be glorified through it all. No, I don’t understand it all, but I see He is in control, and He wants the best for me.
Yes, we have a Christmas tree up this year. Jessica put it up with her younger siblings while my husband and I were out. She dusted off the one Matthew gave us – and put the shinny red and gold stars up on it we got shortly after her surgery – red, Matthew’s favorite color, gold ones for God’s promises and giving Jessica a healed heart. There were tears when we first saw it – but – what a miracle too. And that is not the only miracle – it started over 2000 years ago when a Baby was born in a stable. God had all the pieces of our lives planned out even before this, and sent us a Savior so we could have eternal life, and so we have hope. Hope to see our loved ones again. Hope for our own eternal lives.
Our lives may unravel, be broken and painful, but I can hear Him saying, “Trust the pattern I have planned”. Do you?
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’
declares the LORD,
‘plans for welfare and not for calamity
to give you a future and a hope.’
If you have written on today’s In Other Word’s quote, please share your link below. And even if you have not shared, please, visit the other’s writings and be encourage and encourage them by leaving a comment!
Powered by MckLinky
Click here to enter your link and view the entire list of entered links…
8 thoughts on “In Other Words: Trusting God’s Pattern”
Heart touching post my friend, bless you.
Wow what a story girlie. What a test of faith. Thanks for sharing today.
Loni, why was I not surprised you chose this quote? I am so glad that Jessica helped to put up the tree Matthew had chosen. Oh, I can only imagine the pain of losing a child. In fact, I cannot imagine at all what that’s like. But I so agree with you. God has a plan and a purpose through it all. It is for our good and His glory, even when we don’t understand the why’s right now.
It really is about trusting Him in the midst of it all and giving Him our lives 100%. Not parts but all. I too am learning this in different circumstances.
Please give Jessica a hug from me.
Blessings and love,
Good morning Loni – thank you again for sharing your story and sharing your heart with the rest of us. You are always such a blessing and encouragement. God is truly using you and your family to touch the lives of so many others. Have a blessed holiday season celebrating the birth of our Saviour!
This quote was *so* good for me to meditate on this week…thank you for selecting it, and for sharing your heart. I so understand about learning to *really* believe, with awe, His love and His plan. We, too, have spent the last 5 years learning some very painful but amazing lessons…and most of all learning to know HIM more. Praying for God’s richest blessings on you all during this Christmas season!
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your heart, God’s hope, your journey. I’m inspired and comforted. Blessings, this Christmas
You have been through so much, yet you keep going, keep loving, keep serving. That is testament in itself. Well done.
Loni, this was beautifully written.. I find that my trusting God’s pattern tends to be a roller coaster these days.. But God and I are working on it!
Thank you for sharing!