Posted in Family

A “Good & Perfect Gift” on a Day being Restored

There has been a long pause here with writing.  Life, new grandbabies, joys, heartaches, homeschooling, public school,  graduations, running with more extra curricular activities than in years past, and just life!  God paused the writing.  I used to “think” writing a lot.  But God stopped a lot of my mind thoughts with that.  I like writing, but the writing went elsewhere, including a lot of snailmail letter writing.  The last few weeks as another heaven anniversary of our son approaches, my writing mind wanders more.  We have an amazing joy on Matthew’s anniversary date. I was anticipating it to be good.  We have something to celebrate on his heaven date.  There is joy again. But . . . there’s still the ache that resurfaces at unpredictible times.  

Friday afternoon I came home to the kids watching old videos from the year our son died.  To see his face as I remembered him those last months, to hear his voice and laughter.  Oh how I wanted to reach through that screen and hug that boy.  And then, there were areas I sure did not want to see.  Where he died (which within weeks after his death was totally gutted and remodeled). I didn’t want to remember.  It sucked the breath out of me.  And satan reminded me of my failures . . . where I messed up . . . what I could have done differently . . . the what if’s.  My husband and I got out for dinner.  He felt that air sucked out of him too.  I am thankful we can share our hearts on this together and “get it” where most (thankfully) don’t understand.  We text one of the kids asked for videos not to be on when we got home.  I am thankful they have joy seeing it.  But sometimes, even the joyous times, just plain hurt.

Saturday morning a friend posted this quote by Henri Nouwen:

One thing I want to ask you is to not allow the dark forces of your soul to draw you into a deep pit. When you give too much attention to the voices of despair, you will find yourself quickly moving downwards into depression. Don’t trust those voices, but continue to give special attention to the voice that speaks of hope, the same voice that said to Jesus, ‘You are my beloved Son. On You My favor rests.’ Trust deeply that you are God’s favored child, and try to speak and act and even think out of that knowledge, even when you don’t always feel it.    (Love, Henri: Letters on the Spiritual Life)

My friend Deb did not know the whispers I was hearing.   I needed to get out of my downer mood, and remember the joys I can so celebrate and not listen to those voices of dispair.  I know Matthew would want us to.  He is alive, just not alive by our sides.

A few hours later our house was filled with four grandkids running and crawling about while parents went to a Christmas party.  And the next day, yesterday, we celebrated our youngest grandson’s first birthday.  There’s something really special about his birthday.  He was born one year ago, on the day Matthew died.  And not just on the same day, but within the same hour.  ONLY GOD could do this.  I would not have picked this date for our grandson’s birthday, but God did.  Just as God said in Joel 2:25,  “I will restore the years that the locust has eaten“, He could do for us with the date and time.  Matthew cannot be replaced.  We will miss him until the day we see him again on heaven’s shore, but God can bring joy again, a reason to get up on December 11th, to celebrate again, and to even restore those lost years, with remembering all God did to uphold us through the years, to keep our family and marriage together.  And so on December 11th we have learned even more of the “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep”  (Romans 12:15) because  “to everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: time to be born and a time to die.” (Ecclesiates 3:1,2)

fbthdrI am thankful the grief of missing Matthew hit days before. As I told my friend, there will always be that gray cloud on the 11th, but there’s more blue sky showing and the gray cloud is not right over our heads. The sun is poking through because of the Son. I can’t help but think Matthew knows we have a reason to celebrate.  He rejoices in God’s presence.  On December 11th, I am thankful for two lives – Matthew’s life in heaven, to know without a doubt he is there with Jesus and for this precious one year old.   I cannot rejoice Matthew died.  His death did not steal all our joy and Satan did not win, but because of God’s son’s death and ressurection, Matthew lives in heaven and THAT I can rejoice over!  And now to celebrate here on Earth, our youngest grandson’s bright cheery smiles and sweet cuddles. God gave our family an amazing gift for this day to carry us through many years ahead.  Our other grandson also has Matthew as his middle name.  God is good – always.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights . . . ” (James 1:17)

Our two sweet grandsons

If you do not know Matthew’s story, please read it and talk with your children.  His death may save your child’s lives.

Posted in Choking Game, Faith, Family, Grief, Matthew

Our Son, Matthew ~ 7 years gone, yet, No Less Days to Sing God’s Praise

“If you know someone who has lost a child, 
and you’re afraid to mention them 
because you think you might make them sad 
by reminding them that they died–
you’re not reminding them. 

They didn’t forget they died. 
What you’re reminding them of is that 
you remembered that they lived, 
and that is a great gift.”

~Elizabeth Edwards~

Blessed with a 16 year loan on earth with him
Now missing him for 7 years
Yet, 7 years closer to heaven

Matthew has “no less days to sing God’s praise,
than when he first began”
and someday we will join him ~ it’s the waiting that is hard . . .
he in heaven and our home here – a temporary separation.
We so miss him – miss his smile, miss his voice,
miss the dreams we had, just plain miss . . .

yet, thankful for Jesus –
thankful for precious memories
thankful for a scrapbook packed full of pictures

thankful for more joy than tears

thankful for hope, grace and new mercies every morning

Please Father ~ give him a hug for me today and
tell him his Mumsie misses him and ooohhh, so loves him.

“We wouldn’t long for Heaven if earth had only joy.”
Amish proverb

Posted in In Other Words

In ‘Other’ Words: Prayer Carrying Us Through

 “ And why should the good of anyone
depend on the prayer of another?
I can only answer with the return question.
‘Why should my love be powerless to help another?’ ” 

~ George MacDonald


just mentioned in a previous post, that this Friday will be 1 month before the 7th year anniversary date of our son, Matthew’s death.  I often think during this last month, what he did the last month he was a alive, our last Thanksgiving with him, hunting with his older brother and getting lost in the woods, playing monopoly with his siblings a few days before and the things we took for granted.  But then the days that followed his death . . .  the many months that dragged to a year . . . of the dark cloud over our family as we stumbled to find our new normal.  So many people meant well, but some said the dumbest things, from “are you over it yet, are you better, at least you have 9 other kids“, etc.  Those comments and even Scripture verses given to us, did not always ease the pain of losing a child.

But often it was someone say, “I don’t know what to say, but I am praying, I care.” Or getting a note, e-mail or someone calling and saying “I woke up in the middle of the night and thought of you, and prayed.” It was probably one of those long nights I dreaded going to sleep, his death was the last thing on my mind, and then again, the first thing on my mind after a few hours of sleep.  

So, I think of all those that carried us through with prayer . . . whose love was not powerless as you lifted us up to God so often . . . and I know some still do, as they know, we will never “get over” the loss of our son.  We were very dependent on prayers, as often the pain was so deep, we had no words even for God.  The Spirit knew and He used others in our lives to go to God for us.  No, the pain does not sting as much, but we still miss.  We were blessed with many who cried with us, remembered with us, and yes, most of all prayed with us and for us.  It’s taught me to remember the simple words that help carry us and to pass on to others that also need to be carried, in prayer.

 This week’s In ‘Other’ Words is hosted  by our new hostess, Cynthia on her blog, Great Brain Ideas. Please join visit her blog to read her thoughts
and others on the above quote. 

Posted in Books, REVIEW

Book Review: Megan’s Secrets: What My Mentally Disabled Daughter Taught Me about Life by Mike Cope


f you’ve read my blog for awhile now, you know I don’t go long without mentioning my missed children in heaven.  Though the story the author wrote of his daughter in Megan’s Secrets: What My Mentally Disabled Daughter Taught Me about Life is so different than the story of our two children, so much I could relate to.  It also reminded me again to treasure our gifts of life.  Megan was a little girl that only lived ten years but she taught a lifetime of lessons to many, especially her father, which he wrote, divided into four parts in his book:  God is a Heart Specialist, Weak is the New Strong, Life Together is Our Only Hope, and The End is Not the End.

Though we did not nor do not have a mentally disabled child (but do have a heart-disabled child) I think anyone that wants to understand what a family goes through when they lose a child would greatly benefit with Megan’s Secrets.  And of course, the family that has gone through a loss, would so as well.  One of the subtitles of his chapters was “Intubated by Friends” where he shares the story of his son getting in an accident ten years after his daughter died.  Oh, could I relate, as just five weeks after our 16 year old son died, two of our sons were in a serious accident.  As we left our home to rush to the accident another son was on the floor crying out saying “Not again, not again” and we said the same thing and pleaded to God to spare our sons’ lives.  He did, and he did with the author as well.  I appreciated what he wrote:  

“As I look back now, I realize that we survived the wreck because of intubation.  Not just the breathing assistance Chris received from physicians – but the breathing done for us by friends when we couldn’t breathe for fear, the praying done for us when we were too tired to pray.  It’s the same way we’d survived the death of Megan.  It’s how we survive all of life’s disappointments and losses.”  

The author shares about grief, a word so much many just cannot comprehend until you are in the midst of it, how friends will get back to their normal lives and “faith would help but not be a magic salve.”  Wow!  I’ve often thought so many meant well, but they drifted off, and don’t remember after many years the birthdays and death date we still go through, seemingly alone.  Mr. Cope writes how going through the death of a child is a private club which no one wishes for more members and there are no recruiters.  When I read what his friend, Ted wrote to him, I agreed with his picture of grief:  

” I have decided that grief is more like a dance than a journey.  There are steps forward and backward and side to side.  It doesn’t really seem like there is progress, just moving around a dark room in different directions.  The song is slow and sad.  I wish there were more choreographed steps to the dance.”  

Throughout Megan’s Secrets he writes the things he learned in Megan’s brief life.  It reminded me to treasure that child-like faith we can find in our own children.  It reminded me too of the things Matthew taught us in his 16 years, especially his willingness to share his faith and not be ashamed. 

Megan’s Secrets was a heart-touching book to read.  I highly recommend it.

I was given a complimentary copy of
Megan’s Secrets: What My Mentally Disabled Daughter Taught Me about Life
from The B&B Media Group
in exchange for posting my honest review and opinion.
Posted in Family

Imperfect Prose: The Eleventh



oday is the 11th.

It’s a date that I’ve counted for almost six years.  It’s had a dark cloud with it for so many years . . . but the cloud is getting lighter, and each year, the sun seems to shine through a little more.

Today we remember Veterans – those who have served and who are still serving. My daddy served in WWII.  He did not talk much about it.  Mom said not to ask him, so we did not.

Today is the 11th . . . Six years ago he was still alive. He wanted to put a flag up.  He thought of going into the Air Force or missionary aviation school.  Little did I know that the following month, on the 11th, I’d be breathing my life into him, but he was breathing celestial air already.

Today is the 11th . . . and the sun is shinning.  We have had a beautiful autumn with so much warmth and radiant color.  I see him alive and wonder what he’d think of our lives now – three of his siblings in relationships; the craze of texting; his baby brother he never met; our new church; new and old friends.

Today is the 11th . . . and I celebrate the 16 years we had him . . . that he was alive six years ago today and we were blessed with his life.

Today is the 11th . . . I think of other kids who have died from the choking game and continue to bring awareness.  I think of a new friend Sheilia Brown. Her son, Luke was like Matthew ~ both loved the Lord, both shared Jesus to others, both had Bible names, both died from the choking game.  Both are in heaven.

Today is the 11th . . . next month on the 11th, just two weeks before Christmas, Matthew will be in heaven 6 years.  I will always miss him. I miss what I think should have been, but God’s ways are not our way.  I miss him, but I have the awesome hope of seeing him again.  I miss him, but there is joy again. The dark cloud is more gray and shortening.

Today is the 11th . . . I am remembering him with continued love and hope you will with us too.

Today’s post is joining in with Imperfect Prose.


Posted in Choking Game, Family, Matthew, Writings & Poems

Meet my friend – who I wish wasn’t my friend

I would like to introduce you to my new friend,  Bobbi Jo.  You need to meet her.  Your children need to meet her.  Your school principal and family doctor need to meet her.  Your next door neighbor needs to meet her.   Yet, I still wish she was not my new friend.  We have a common bond, I so wish neither of us have.  But, if you don’t meet her, you or someone you care about dearly may have to join the same club we are in.  You do not want to join our club.  This club should not even exist.  Our club does not display pictures of ourselves.  It displays pictures of teenagers and young children who died playing a game.  But, it’s really not a game.  How can you call it a game if it kills?  It’s the choking game.  Her son, Kris, only 15 years old, died barely 5 weeks ago. Bobbi Jo is just one of numerous moms I’ve met in the last four years.  She is just the newest member in our club.

Tomorrow will be four years our son, Matthew,  died in an accident in our home.  I’d like to skip over the “accident” which some would like me to refer to it as.    I really don’t want our son remembered for only how he died. cheesecakeI want him remembered for his love for Jesus, for the cheese cakes he made  from scratch for my pregnancy cravings.  I want him remembered for sharing Jesus with an elderly man he wanted to make sure would go to  heaven and the Christian faith rings he wore, hoping others would ask him what they meant.   But, I cannot skip over his death.  I will when I don’t read of more deaths like his.  I will when the awareness is there just like it is about drugs, sex and drinking.  Our son did something dumb, like many kids (and adults) do.  This choking game took his life. This game is also known as “Blackout, Fainting Game, Space Monkey, Dream Game, Suffocation, Roulette, Passout, Flatliner, California High, Airplaning, Space Monkey, American Dream, Funky Chicken, Tingling, Gasp.” (info from G.A.S.P – Games Adolescents Shouldn’t Play)

On WKOW 2, Madison, Wisconsin’s TV station website, it states facts all parents need to know:

  • It’s a game that kills anywhere from 250 to 1000 people each year around the world. [I believe the reason there is such a variable in how many is because many deaths are ruled suicide rather than from the choking game]
  • In a recent survey of kids in the US, 75 percent said they’re familiar with the choking game.
  • Deputy Holmes says the choking game is often referred to as the good kids game, because the kids who play it, are not necessarily the kids you would associate with risky behaviors like doing drugs and drinking alcohol.

Though my heart does not ache as it did four years ago, brokenheartMatthew’s death is still like an amputation that will always sting, the wound reopening, and his absence visible to those that loved him.   Please talk to your kids. If you homeschool, it does not mean that your kids won’t learn of this.  Talk to your kid’s friend’s parents.  Bring awareness of this to your school principal, to your pastor, your youth leaders, boy scouts, camp directors, etc. We thought we had our kids sheltered, but evilness still sneeks in.

Please don’t feel sorry for me, and tell me I am strong. Instead, share with the people you love, then tell me that a life was saved because of Matthew’s death.  Tell me another soul has a chance to come to know Jesus because he/she stopped this game.  Tell me, so on our cloudy days when our hearts weep again I am reminded that, It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus“.

To learn how to get involved with sharing about the deadly choking game with your family and community, please visit G.A.S.P – Games Adolescents Shouldn’t Play.

♥   ~ ♥   ~

In Memory of our Son ~ Matthew’s Story

♥   ~ ♥   ~

Posted in Faith, Family, Writings & Poems

(UPDATED) Steven Curtis Chapman on Larry King Live (CNN) Today

Several friends have e-mailed me to let me know that Steven Curtis Chapman and possibly his family, will be on Larry King Live (CNN) today.  As many will know, Steven’s adopted and youngest daughter, Maria Sue, was killed in a tragic accident on the family’s driveway on May 21, 2008.  As they have walked through this shadow of death, they have shared it very publicly as well.  Steven’s well-known song “Cinderella” has been in the top ten, and now #1 for iTune’s Top Christian songs.  And since Maria’s death, Steven added a new verse to his song “Yours” which is powerful and touching:

I’ve walked the valley of death’s shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I’ve had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.
(By Steven Curtis Chapman)see his actual handwriting of the lyrics here

The new version of this song was just released August 1st, and it too is in the top 10 on iTune’s Christian Songs. 

So today, Steven Curtis Chapman is to be on Larry King Live.  Jim Houser, who works for/with SCC, is keeping a very open blog here, and says he will be attempting to blog beginning in the afternoon to share how it is going in LA with Larry King.  I will close this in sharing Jim Houser prayer he wrote on his blog today, regarding their desire for this show:

My prayer is the same tomorrow as it was today… God, would you please give the Chapmans strength and courage… and Your peace and Your words. If you do, I’m crazy enough to believe that the time on Larry King live in LA on Thursday could change someone’s day, and just might change their life. And May it be so. May it be so for many. May you get the glory. Asking my faith and the faith of my friends be encouraged and emboldened by what You’re doing. And that You’ll show us, in obvious ways even my eyes can’t miss, after this week all You’ve done already through this loss of Maria. And we’ll try to remember to give you the glory God. This is our desire, that You be honored. Amen.

 NEW:  Here’s an article from CNN’s website on the upcoming interview.

Posted in Books, Faith, Family, REVIEW

Book Review Revisited: Harsh Grief Gentle Hope

Ultimate Blog Party 2008
This post is in participation with The Ultimate Blog Party.

This book I read after the death of our son, just over three years ago, and it was probably the main book I could say, “yes, you understand what we age going through”.  Harsh Grief, Gentle Hope is by Mary A. White, whose adult, married son was murdered while driving a taxi.  Though the circumstances of our children’s deaths were quite different, it was a book I could relate to quite well, and shared it with several for them to understand our grief.  You can read my full review here from October, 2005.  A couple of things come back to me as I paged through this book:

Trust the Recovery Process:  It takes nearly two years following a death to gain equilibrium and stabilization in physical and emotional health.  The time frame may run as high as three years following a homicide or suicide. 

For us, it definitely was a good two years – but probably closer to two and a half years.  God’s timing in blessing us with our youngest son just over 26 months after our son’s death, helped bring new joy and life in our home. 

There is not a word in the English language to describe the loss of a child.  Widow describes the loss of a spouse; orphan defines loss of mother and father; but when bereaved parents need to tell of their suffering, no single word carries the painful message. 

Harsh Grief, Gentle Hope is not a book  I could read over and over, because it brings back the memories of that deep grief of three years ago.  I don’t need to relive that, though we still miss Matthew, and will continue to share about him and remember him.  Joy does come again. 

I hope someone will leave a comment that may be going through a recent loss, or know of someone who has lost a child that this can bless and encourage, to know you are not alone in your emotions, and to see the hope in Jesus that this author and I share.  I have two of these books I would like to give away.  One has an author’s note and signature in it, and the other has a couple of markings in it.  On Friday, I will have the names of those drawn listed, and then just e-mail me back with your mailing address.  If you can contribute $2 towards shipping of this book (within continental USA) and full amount needed for outside USA, it would be greatly appreciated.

I am aiming to review a book and give one away each day this week for The Ultimate Blog Party, so come back again tomorrow!

Posted in Choking Game, Matthew

Our Son, Matthew, In Remembrance ~ 3 Years in Heaven


In loving memory of our son,

Matthew’s Story


he following was written by C.S. Lewis who wrote the Narnia series.  He also wrote a book called, “Grief Observed” which he wrote after the death of his wife.  Below he writes about “getting over” the death of  his wife.  This book was written in 1963 – still relevant today with that same pain of grief. 

“Getting over it so soon?  But the words are ambiguous.  To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing; after he’s had his leg off it is quite another.  After that operation either the wounded stumps heals or the man dies.  If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will stop.  Presently he’ll get back his strength and be able to stump about on his wooden leg.  He has “got over it.”  But he will probably have recurrent pains in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad ones; and he will always be a one-legged man.  There will be hardly any moment when he forgets it.  Bathing, dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even lying in bed, will be different.  His whole way of life will be changed.  All sorts of pleasures and activities that he once took for granted will have to be simply written off.  Duties too.  At present I am learning to get about on crutches.  Perhaps I shall presently be given a wood leg.  But I shall never be a biped again.”

I still feel that amputation – the loss of my son.  His death does not come to mind every hour, but I doubt there is a day he does not come to mind at sometime, whether it be his smile I see in one of his siblings, the pang I feel in my heart when I see or hear an ambulance, or see something red – his favorite color, or a song on the radio.  It can still hurt to the point of tears – I doubt that will ever go away, from talking to other bereaved parents.  There are not tears every day, maybe just a few times a month -during moments of reflection.  It’s not just my pain – it’s what I still know is there in my husband and children.  Though we are finding our “new normal” some things died along with him.  We had been adding on an addition to our home when he died.  This was never completed, and my husband recently decided, when he has the energy, to take it all down.   

A few days ago one of my daughters asked me if she thinks Matthew would know to forgive her.  Not understanding, she told me in tears, almost three years later, that the day before he died, she was fighting with him, and called him names and poked at him.  He got mad at her.  Though things were ok later in the day, she never apologized to him.  She wanted to know if I thought he forgave her.  Without a doubt in my mind, if he would even remember it, I know he’d not be unforgiving. He’s in heaven with Jesus!  There’d be no grudges or turning his back because of a wrong. 

I still think of him as that tall, lanky 16 year old. I cannot imagine him older.  He’d be almost 20.  It’s hard to picture him that way.  His pictures don’t age.  It seems strange as his younger siblings pass his age.  I treasure the 16th year.  My twins are his age now. 

Often I am told because of what I write, my faith is strong.  It falters, stumbles and totally crumbles at times.  I still ask why, just as one of my children asked the other day.   It’s not been an easy road of grieving, recovery, and finding our “new normal”.  Despite it all, God continues to hold us in the palm of His hand, and His mercies are new every morning.  I know someday all our tears will be wiped away.  I will meet Jesus face to face, and this pain will be gone.  The longings of missing loved ones will no longer be there. 

Today we remember, we miss, we shed tears and yet, are thankful for the life we had for 16 years and we do not grieve as those with no hope

If you are new to my blog, and have children, please know of the “choking game” that took my son’s life.  Below are links.  It’s my prayer that Matthew’s death can save other children’s lives.  Just as you talk to your children about drugs, this is just as important.  Talk to them, today.

GASP: Games Adolescents Shouldn’t Play
Another recent death – Connor Galloway (age 12)

Posted in Family, Grief, Matthew

Pray for my husband . . .

I just ask for needed prayers for my husband. As we were told by several, sometimes with men the grief hits more, later, and he has gone through several waves of this. The last couple of days, his grief has been very deep. He is a very hurting man, missing his son very much. Not many will understand a man pained like this. Not many men show their emotions or know how to reach out to another hurting man. Today was the first day of Junior Hunt Day, that kids under 18 have “their days” just for under this age, but an adult has to be with them. Norm missed it last year with Matthew, and was going to try to get out another time with him. It’s one of those things – you get so busy, you plan on doing it, you put if off, and it never happens. Norm hurts greatly from that missed opportunity with him. And now he has the opportunity with another son, but he is hurting so much too. Several times in the past few days, his eyes have just welled up with tears, and I can see the pain. He’s been through a lot, even in the past couple of months with misunderstandings that have hurt relationships, and not seeing the grief and pain this man carries. He just needs some compassion and understanding, for some to walk beside him and just share with him – not judge or tell him how he should or should not grieve. Like many of us in our family have felt through these last months, sometimes we need a “FRAGILE” sticker on.I am not leaving the opportunity for comments. I just ask that you pray for him, and continued healing for our family in many ways.
Posted in Choking Game, Grief, Matthew

Thinking of my son . . .

This was sent to me today from another mom who lost a son the same way. It’s not “Scripturally” correct, but touched me greatly. I wonder often what Matthew’s “new job” is in heaven, as we continue, “those remaining behind” to finishing running the race.
There is a special doorway to Heaven. A young man stands there. He surveys all that God has created, the universe and beyond. He gazes toward earth and says a simple prayer for his mother and family. Jesus calls to him and says, “Need not grieve for your family, they are well. The Father has special work for you to do and it includes those of earth whom are so special to you. You are needed here. In time they will see you again and all will be as one. This I promise.”
The young man turns to Jesus and says, “I miss them and they me. My heart wishes to fly through the stars to comfort my mother.” Jesus replies, “There is no love stronger than the love that was created the day of your earthly birth. That love will last for all eternity. It is a part of your mother and all who’s lives you touched. A breath from your mouth she will feel on her cheek. A touch from you she will feel in her heart. Your face with a smile is forever burned into her memory. This will always be. Your words, ‘I love You’ she will always hear.”
The young man smiles at Jesus. They walk arm in arm away from the portal of youth.
This doorway is for those whose lives were cut short for the only reason that our Lord needed them to come home early. Special duties await him, a special task that he will be better able to perform from heaven. His love for his mother is endless. As your broken heart mends you will begin to see that he never left your side. Your shadow no longer is yours, it is him. A gentle breeze that lifts your heart is him.
Author Unknown