October 11, 2013
So much time and money is spent to keep this body functioning. What is this desire to stay alive when God promises much more when we cross over the threshold called death. I suppose its the faces of family, the grandchildren whose laughter brings joy forever through memories. The desire to accomplish something of value, lasting, to have not run in vain.I wonder if when Christ said “he who seeks to save his life will lose it.” had in mind the pursuit of health. I can see that it would be easy to spend every moment consumed with the body that the spirit is left to dry up.
Luke 12:23 “For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.”
Lord show me your power in weakness. Keep me pursuing the things that have an eternal purpose and reward.
November 17, 2013
No more strength, tired, waiting for the death of this body and the liberation of my soul. Not without tears as I continplate leaving those I love. God has been silent when I have sought Him in prayer, leading me to conclude I will not recover from this illness.
November 24, 2013
Many years ago I wondered what I would do if I found out I had a short time to live.
After leaving the hospital I found that I still had bills to pay, family to care for and no freedom to change what I had been doing just because I had cancer. Perhaps that is why we are told to see our lives are but a vapor and that we are to redeem the time for the days are evil.
We, however live with out purposing to live with eternity in view. We have taken for granted the lives we live are given by our Creator. If we are Christians then we are not our own but have been bought with the blood of the Lamb. How is it that we who have been given the greatest inheritance by our God and redeemer Jesus Christ gets so little of the life we live today. How easy it has become to replace the gathering of the saint with a sports event. We are salt and light to the world…or are we? Let us look at out lives and see if all we have become good for it to thrown to the road for men to trample upon.
God our God you have set your people free. We ask your forgiveness for we have used that freedom for things that will not last. We have neglected the spiritual needs of our family and friends in order to fit in. We have lived lives that are not evil but lives that do not show others the King and Kingdom that is yet to come. Purify your Church oh God.
December 8, 2013
As for me, I shall call upon God,
And the LORD will save me.
Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur,
And He will hear my voice.
He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me,
For they are many who strive with me.
Lately I know I have done just that “complain and murmur” A new pain a harsh pain. pain that won’t let me go. If pain is the work of God in me I long to have it complete its work. To serve God in this way with pain as a constant companion is not what I want to do. I find that I want to set the conditions of my service to God. I want to serve God in health and wealth. With that kind of attitude I have removed myself as servant. I try to forget the pain and focus on God but pain often wins the battle, and occupies my mind. I want to walk with my God no matter the circumstance. I am failing, I have become overwhelmed by the pain and the restless sleepless nights. The part the bothers me most is the silence from the One who adopted me as a son. My voice cries out less and less to the Holy One who said He would never leave nor forsake me. I feel abandoned. I sang His praises with the saints today, the pain I carried left on the wings of praise. I left the service glad to have rejoiced in my King. I also left with my body knowing the full spectrum of the pain I came in with. Life is not life for me, it is a taste of death I will never fully know because of the Blood of Christ. I do not envy those who will only know today as life only to discover that they have not known life nor will they ever enjoy life without Christ for He is our life and we are hid in Him and kept by Him. So I will rise once more to the truth of my God and endeavor to endure my present circumstance. So that I may not hinder the work of the gospel in an through me to impart life to those who have only known darkness they call light and life. May God be seen in my weakness.