start . . .
My first thought when I read this word is singing Steve Green’s song, “When I am afraid I will trust in You“, many times by Jessica’s bed, both in the hospital and afterwards. When she went into heart failure a few years ago, it was while she was trying to go to sleep. She could not breath well. Her chest was hurting. And she began to cough. Thankfully were in a hotel that was in the hospital – for an early appointment the next morning – but not for her heart. It was for her spinal defects. Little did we know how God was orchestrating her spinal problems to save her life- to be at the hospital at the precise moment she needed to be.
Yet, for many months afterwards, she had a very hard time going to sleep. She was afraid it was going to happen again. What if? We prayed by her bed. We’d sing. We’d try different distractions. We even had to get a prescription to help her. She’d get herself so worked up. There were even a couple times we took her to the hospital because we just could not take chances. Sometimes now even years later, it still hits her. She’s kinda like her mama . . .
Fears and panics . . . being afraid can become quite gripping. I know. I deal at times with panic attacks. Sometimes they hit me so out of the blue. It happened last weekend- at a retreat I was so looking forward to – getting away. And then some unpredictable things happened and I did not know people and it caught me so off guard. It’s not a matter of just praying it off or snapping out of it. I had to get away and calm down – which meant, leaving the retreat which was very discouraging for me. And I am sure it was misread. And then it makes me want to avoid more… Ugh….
. . . finished
I did not know what today’s word was going to be until 5+ minutes ago, or even where my writing would trail off to. It was a difficult time last weekend . . . embarrassing hurting time, yet thankful for friends who care and love. It had been many months since I had a panic attack – and I know God can heal this too and I am thankful that I am . . .
Joining Lisa-Jo and her Five Minute Friday.
” five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right “