oday is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 87 years old. I cannot picture her being “old”. And actually, she’s not. She’s been in heaven just over 8 years now, in perfect health! My mom and dad’s anniversary was just five days ago. They would have been married 63 years. It’s hard to imagine.
Below is what I wrote on my first blog when she was gone two years. At the end I will share what Jesus had me believe at that time in my life.
Nine months later, my dad called me – a first in over 20 years – to express his sadness of the loss of our son – the grandson he met and stood beside. We’ve talked several times since. Though it’s not repaired, there’s been some healing.
I was disappointed that the song “Because He Lives” was not sung at my mom’s funeral. I remembered it as being her favorite song when I was growing up. When we were preparing Matthew’s memorial service, we just could not think or know what to do. Our pastor chose the songs. The song we all sang together with the guests was “Because He Lives”. Now, when I hear it, I think of my mom and Matthew. God certainly has a way of putting these little pieces together – like a pat on the hand – saying “I AM HERE – I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED”.
I grieved over the loss of my mom, and the mom I never had. I grieved over words that were never said – and words that were said. There were a lot of “if only” or “I wish I would have . . .” It was easy to beat myself up with that. My pastor from my childhood has stayed a part of our lives, and he encouraged me with this. My mom has forgiven. She does not hold bitterness and anger anymore. She does not have regrets anymore. And, she loves me. The day I enter heaven’s gate, she won’t turn away. And, if she could come back, she’d say, life is too short, mend relationships, forgive, laugh, reach out to those around you.
Mom, I’ve forgiven you too. I love you too.
Give Matthew & Angela a hug for me.
I do not remember if was after I wrote this, but I had a dream of meeting and talking with my mom in heaven, and there was indeed reconciliation. Of course, I wish it happened on earth, yet, it’s not too late. It will happen, with wholeness and full redemption. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the peace the Heavenly Father has given me, and my earthly dad who has granted forgiveness and I’ve forgiven and we have reconciliation on earth.
Might there be someone you need to forgive who has gone on before you? Might you need to ask the Father for forgiveness from someone who may not be able to give it anymore, but He can give the peace that it is granted on their behalf? Might you need to forgive someone who you can still talk with or ask them for forgiveness.
Might the Father be saying to you,
Your loved one is here with Me,
whole and perfect
holds no contempt, bitterness, or
You can forgive too and
ask to be forgiven of Me,
and it is done.
just believe Me.“
Happy birthday mom . . . I still miss what could have been . . . but am thankful for eternity.