Posted in Family, Meme

31 Days: “Woman, Just Believe Me” ~ “Forgive & Be Forgiven” {Day 20}

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oday is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 87 years old.  I cannot picture her being  “old”.  And actually, she’s not.  She’s been in heaven just over 8 years now, in perfect health!  My mom and dad’s anniversary was just five days ago.  They would have been married 63 years.  It’s hard to imagine.  

Below is what I wrote on my first blog when she was gone two years. At the end I will share what Jesus had me believe at that time in my life.

My mom died two years ago today. I got the call just a half hour before she died, from my childhood pastor. He told me she probably would not make it through the day. There were a lot of mixed feelings. I had prayed and hoped for a reconciliation with my mom for many, many years. It wasn’t going to happen. My husband and I were talking about trying to make it home (a 6 hour drive) to see if we could try to see her one more time before she died. We talked with the children. They even cried for a grandma they never got to know. We prayed together. I then nervously called the hospital, prepared for the rejection again. My sister answered my mom’s room. My mom had just died minutes before. Though we weren’t there in person, it was as though we were there. We think we may have even been praying, when my mom slipped away. I have been thankful for God’s timing, in preparing my heart, and to have been in thought of her, when she slipped away.We went to the memorial service at the end of that week. My dad and sister knew we were coming. We brought three of our children with us – Matthew, Heidi, & Bethany. My dad had seen Matthew & Heidi before as little ones. He shook Matthew’s hand and told him what a firm handshake he had. He talked with his grandson for the first time. After the service Matthew told us he wished he could stay and talk to my dad more – maybe help him towards reconciliation – but most of all his heart was towards serving him – helping a lonely man with chores around his house – helping him open his pool in the spring -being a friend. It was something that touched me, that never came about.

 

Nine months later, my dad called me – a first in over 20 years – to express his sadness of the loss of our son – the grandson he met and stood beside. We’ve talked several times since. Though it’s not repaired, there’s been some healing.

I was disappointed that the song “Because He Lives” was not sung at my mom’s funeral. I remembered it as being her favorite song when I was growing up. When we were preparing Matthew’s memorial service, we just could not think or know what to do. Our pastor chose the songs. The song we all sang together with the guests was “Because He Lives”. Now, when I hear it, I think of my mom and Matthew. God certainly has a way of putting these little pieces together – like a pat on the hand – saying “I AM HERE – I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED”.

I grieved over the loss of my mom, and the mom I never had. I grieved over words that were never said – and words that were said. There were a lot of “if only” or “I wish I would have . . .” It was easy to beat myself up with that. My pastor from my childhood has stayed a part of our lives, and he encouraged me with this. My mom has forgiven. She does not hold bitterness and anger anymore. She does not have regrets anymore. And, she loves me. The day I enter heaven’s gate, she won’t turn away. And, if she could come back, she’d say, life is too short, mend relationships, forgive, laugh, reach out to those around you. 

Mom, I’ve forgiven you too.        I love you too.      

Give Matthew & Angela a hug for me.

I do not remember if was after I wrote this, but I had a dream of meeting and talking with my mom in heaven, and there was indeed reconciliation.  Of course, I wish it happened on earth, yet, it’s not too late.  It will happen, with wholeness and full redemption.  I am thankful for that.  I am thankful for the peace the Heavenly Father has given me, and my earthly dad who has granted forgiveness and I’ve forgiven and we have reconciliation on earth.

Might there be someone you need to forgive who has gone on before you?  Might you need to ask the Father for forgiveness from someone who may not be able to give it anymore, but He can give the peace that it is granted on their behalf?  Might you need to forgive someone who you can still talk with or ask them for forgiveness.

Might the Father be saying to you,  

Your loved one is here with Me,
whole and perfect
holds no contempt, bitterness, or
unforgiving thoughts.  

You can forgive too and   
ask to be forgiven of Me,
and it is done.

Woman,
just believe Me.

Happy birthday mom . . . I still miss what could have been . . . but am thankful for eternity.

Author:

Beloved KEPT Child of Jesus stumbling by faith ~ Married 30 years ~ Blessed Mama of 10 beside me & 2 at Jesus' feet ~ "Retired" homeschool mama of 22 years ~ Writer * Blogger * Reviewer ~

One thought on “31 Days: “Woman, Just Believe Me” ~ “Forgive & Be Forgiven” {Day 20}

  1. Loni,

    This is the second time I’ve read about your thoughts. You are truly obeying Scripture. I know your parents would be very proud of what you have done with your life and If God allows a peek through the veil, they are already proud! I believe this message is important for many, many people who have lost loved ones, but never had the opportunity for reconciliation. Forgiveness is possible through Christ and you are a living example. Thanks.

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