start . . .
My first thought is to not write tonight. I missed what I wanted in a mom . . . I miss what we should have had . . . I miss . . . I just plain miss. There were a lot of pains growing up and now when I think of her, I wonder about her brokenness too. We are all broken people and sometimes we don’t allow the right Person to do all the fixing and for me, I am sure I wanted her to fix things or be more than she could be and my expectations were off. God wanted to fill the gap and I wanted others to.
And as I stop and think of what mama did I think of her hanging out the laundry and my muttering under my breath how I will never hang out the laundry but instead stuff it in a a dryer and just get it overwith. I never realized I’d miss that fresh smell in the sheets each Saturday night or enjoy watching the laundry blowing in the breeze. Just as my kids have grumbled about hanging out laundry, I now hear one of my daughters saying she cannot wait for spring to hang her blankets outside.
The other day as my children were getting ready to go outside and play in the snow one of them complained about how their socks always get so wet even with their boots on and I told them what mama did . . . and I hated . . . putting plastic grocery bags over our socks and sticking them in the boot. I hated doing that, especially wearing them to school like that . . . but my kids thought it was a great idea and now they do what mama did.
And though there are many things I’ve not done what mama did I have learned how to make her Swiss Steak just as good, and I can write as pretty as her cursive was too and I am still learning not to scream which is what mama did and I said I’d never do. Yet the most important thing what mama did was to ask Jesus into her life and because of that, she is in heaven fully healed, and because I did too, someday we will both be together, fully healed and we will truly love each other. I just wish I didn’t have to wait for heaven to know my mom’s love.
. . . finished
Joining Lisa-Jo and her Five Minute Friday.
” five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right “